Mindfulness | Get Out of The Box

Quick Summary

In Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute, relatable stories allow us to increase our self-awareness and explore the concept of being in or out of the box in the workplace. By realizing how our perspectives shape our interactions and influence outcomes and by seeing the humanity in others, we can overcome our own self-deception and become more impactful leaders.

What's the Box?

"The box is a metaphor for how [we're] resisting others. By 'resisting,' [we] mean that [our] self-betrayal isn't passive. In the box, [we're] actively resisting what the humanity of others calls [us] to do for them." - The Arbinger Institute

Despite our desire to do right by others, being in the box causes us to betray and deceive ourselves and by seeing others as objects.

Self-deception happens when we inflate our virtue, needs, wants and challenges above others, which limits our efficacy as leaders, which limits our efficacy as leaders.

The book not only challenges traditional leadership paradigms, but it also invites us to delve into self-discovery and to redefine our leadership approach.

By challenging our own assumptions and practicing empathy, we can become more authentic, impactful leaders.

By seeing the humanity in others, we get out of the box.

Why it Matters

Overcoming self-deception is paramount for leaders aspiring to achieve sustained success and positive organizational impact.

The leaders people choose to follow are the leaders who are out of the box.

At its core, the book reveals a fundamental truth – leadership efficacy isn't solely about skills and strategies. It hinges on our ability, as leaders, to authentically connect with others.

Understanding how self-deception can impede our leadership effectiveness prompts us to reflect on our behaviors and assumptions.

This awareness is crucial for nurturing healthy workplace relationships, enhancing team dynamics and fostering a culture of trust.

How to Apply It

1. Self-Reflection: Let's start by reflecting on our own behaviors and attitudes. Identify instances where we might find ourselves 'in the box,' viewing others as obstacles rather than collaborators. Honest self-reflection is the initial step towards our personal growth.

2. Empathy Building: Let's actively cultivate empathy by seeing others as individuals with unique perspectives, feelings and aspirations. This shift in perception fosters genuine connections.

3. Open Communication: Let's create an environment where team members feel safe expressing their thoughts and concerns. As leaders, we should encourage open and honest communication. This helps in addressing potential sources of self-deception and promotes a culture of transparency.

4. Conflict Resolution: Let's approach conflicts as opportunities for growth rather than perpetuating them. Embrace a mindset of problem-solving when conflicts arise. This not only resolves immediate issues but also contributes to long-term relationship-building.

5. Continuous Learning: Let's adopt a mindset of continuous learning. Acknowledge that personal growth is an ongoing journey. Let's seek feedback, be open to new perspectives and commit to evolving as leaders.

How to Recognize It

One example we can likely all relate to is running late and struggling to get to where we need to be. We'll blame the kids, our significant others (SOs), awful drivers during rush-hour traffic and everyone else in our way.

That's in-the-box thinking.

It leads to us inflating our needs and virtue, while treating others as objects. We inflate others' faults - the kids took too long to get out of bed, our SO failed to set the alarm and every other driver sucks (clearly we are better drivers). We fail to see the real problem.

Self-deception actually determines one's experience in every aspect of life.

To get out of the box, we need to start by acknowledging the wants, needs, hopes and concerns of others and seeing them as just as legitimate as our own.

You can similarly recognize self-deception in a work setting.

Let's say your team failed to deliver a project on time or meet their quotas for the quarter. In-the-box thinking involves assigning blame and considering only what your team needs to do for you, not their wants, needs and challenges.

Thinking out of the box, you stop focusing on yourself. You consider that maybe the project ran behind because your team is overloaded, you didn't delegate effectively or they simply struggled.

Maybe your team didn't meet their quotas because they're sifting through a ton of organizational noise and not able to focus on client conversations and activities that will move the needle.

There may even be some personal challenges that people on your team are dealing with that are impacting their performance. If you truly embrace the concept of people bringing their full selves to work, that does include working through personal matters at times.

It's all about turning your focus from yourself to those around you.

Bottom Line

See the humanity in others, and you'll be the kind of leader people want to follow.